You stay as small as possible, and hang about in places where there is plenty of organic waste for you to live on. Leaf litter, moss beds, dog beds, human beds, dog faces… human faces! That’s right, you’re so small you can live on a human’s face and never be noticed. Pretty much every human has them.

Generally speaking, you’re entirely harmless, picking up behind the other species, and living it rich on the rubbish. There is so much rubbish that there are thousands of different species of you, and you are found all over the world and into the present day. You survived the multiple extinction events since you first evolved without blinking one of your multiple eyes. Unless you’re one of the species that has lost their eyes. Did we mention that some of you live on eyelashes?

You are a mite.